SHOUT OUT: AN AUTHOR’S PLACE WITH LEIGH LENNON HER NEW BOOK : UNFILTERED SEE EXCERPT
AN AUTHOR’S PLACE
I never will get my happy ending. With my past threatening to ruin the possibility of love in my future, I keep every man at arm’s length. Nick appears out of thin air, becoming a part of my life instantly, leaving me breathless and wanting more. The pain that haunts me is still present, but Nick is worth the risk. When he promises me forever; can I trust him?
Justine makes me see that a forever is in reach with her. She keeps telling me she is hard to love, yet I find it quite easy. Once I break down her walls, she finally lets me in. But, I have a secret of my own which can expose her to the demons that destroyed me in the past. However, with Justine, I will do anything and everything to make her mine.
Driving down the street that connects both our houses, I imagine my life before Nick and it is very empty. I didn’t stop at my house but ran up his steps and open the door frantically. In the kitchen, he doesn’t know I am coming until I am on top of him. Turning around, he grabs for me, as I am already unbuttoning my pants. It is a race to see who can undress first. I am breathing hard, almost panting, needing him now. “Goodness gracious! I like this greeting.” I am in fierce primal need. He sees it quickly in my eyes and he has no problem with the direction this passion is taking us both.
I kiss him as if it has been years. I work my tongue deeply inside of his mouth, as I grab his bare ass. His fingers make their way to my core and stopping for a second, he leans back with a smile. My overly greedy pussy is something he takes pride in and he should because he does this to me. I don’t speak, and I will not allow him to either. There will be plenty of time for words later. Within a span of a second, he spins me around leaning my torso on the kitchen counter. Silently, he delves his fingers back inside of me as my wetness increases. I love the way he pushes me down, showing a little dominance yet is still gentle with me. This is my Nick, in every way yet I am still myself when I say, “Just fucking do it already.” With both a deep chuckle and a moan from him, he enters me hard and as he does, we adjust to this position when he pushes me further onto the counter and I am loving every minute. This feels hot—almost dirty, something a respectable mother doesn’t do yet I make a mental note to partake in this position more often. I feel his breath on my neck and it adds to the adventure, just imagining the facial expressions that he is making as he grows within me, getting harder and harder. As he kisses my back, he pushes with more intensity and one last thrust sets us both over board and we delight together in our orgasms. I turn around instantly, engulfing his cock into my mouth. This is one technique I learned from him—he loves a blow job right after he has come and boy do I love pleasing him.
He quickly leads me to his room, where he recovers, and we make love, this time gently, again. I am wrapped in his arms, saying very little for several minutes, just enjoying the closeness of one another. This is my future, I see it for the first time since Nick waltzed into my life. Although with Nick, his commitment to me is more like a marathon.
Justine is my future and I can’t imagine a life without her as my future. She is nervous about the next step yet I won’t let her go that easy. “Are you really that uncertain of us?”
“No, it’s not that. I’m not uncertain of us, I am uncertain of me, of me ruining this by being well, me!”
Leaning forward, with an affliction of righteous anger fueling me, I snap, “I fucking hate when you put yourself down like that Justine,” Her eyes instantly shift in dilation over my brashness, which has never been shown to her.
“Whoa, buddy,” she says as a warning. “Don’t you see? I am scared that I will be the one to screw this up, that is all.” She asks, her hands shaking. I grab them to bring calm to her.
“I am doing all I can to show you I am not like those that abandoned you in the past. Don’t you see that?” I look away, trying to not attach myself to the hurt in her eyes, placed by others, but I am not the one who placed all that crap there. “I haven’t had a lot of long-lasting relationships. You once told me that you suspected Rafe stepped out on you well before you left him.”
She looks down as if she was silently telling me she hates the direction of this conversation. “Yes, that is true.”
“I think this is affecting you more than you’re willing to admit. And sure, this relationship of ours is moving fast, but I think when you are our age, you just don’t care about the petty shit you do when you are twenty. We have something special, Justine.”
“Yes, I agree.”
“But you’re still scared,” I press for an answer.
“Hell yes, I am scared. You came out of nowhere right when I wrote off being able to love again.”
“You are too damn proud of a woman. You don’t have to act all macho with me.”
“But I have had to do just that for so long. Rafe was a shitty husband and a really shitty dad until Hildy came around. And how do you think that made me feel. He wouldn’t change for the kids and myself but with her, he did. Which I guess is good, she wouldn’t put up with the half-assed dad stuff. But he wouldn’t change for me. So yes, I have been on my own, even during our marriage, on my own.”
“And that has made you the mom and woman you are today. But more so, honey, that has affected how you let someone love you. I am not Rafe and you are not alone anymore.”
“So, what does that mean?” she asks skeptically.
“I’m not leaving you. I’m here and we are going to make this work because I love you. I can’t see growing old with anyone else but you. So please let your guard down when it comes to me.”
Justine is not one to cry but she has let her exterior hardness down and tears were openly flowing. “I never thought I needed to hear those words before, but it is such a relief to hear them from you,” she says.
I kneel in front of her and bring her to the floor with me. “Let me take on that burden. Can you believe me when I say I won’t leave you? No matter how much you push me away; you are stuck with me.”
“Yes,” she says as I embrace her. In that moment, I feel every worry receding from her body because she has found her person and I have found mine.
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